Floundering Parents: Gender Identity

In April General Conference of 1981, as a 5-year-old child sitting on the floor playing with my sisters I didn’t notice when Boyd K Packer declared:

“One cannot degrade marriage without tarnishing other words as well, such words as boy, girl, manhood, womanhood, husband, wife, father, mother, baby, children, family, home.”






Fourteen years later as I began my sophomore year of college, I ignored my Bishop as he read these words from the first presidency and counsel of the 12 apostles:

“ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

Three years later as a young married woman and new mother to a three week old daughter, I didn’t give much thought as Boyd K Packer declared:

“In the home and in the Church sisters should be esteemed for their very nature. Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences nature has established. A man, a father, can do much of what is usually assumed to be a woman’s work. In turn, a wife and a mother can do much—and in time of need, most things—usually considered the responsibility of the man, without jeopardizing their distinct roles. Even so, leaders, and especially parents, should recognize that there is a distinct masculine nature and a distinct feminine nature essential to the foundation of the home and the family. Whatever disturbs or weakens or tends to erase that difference erodes the family and reduces the probability of happiness for all concerned.”

Not until 2009, when my husband started encouraging me to read news article after news article about the erosion of the family did I wake up and take notice to what the Prophets' have been declaring for many, many years.

tarnishing other words… such words as boy, girl, manhood, womanhood…

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences.

The world did not listen in 1981. Marriage slowly continued to erode. Men and women decided that the “until death do you part” or “For time and all eternity” was not an important part of the marriage contract. No fault divorce spread like a disease and brought with it much more infidelity and carelessness. Marriage eroded. Men and women decided they did not need that piece of paper to live as a married couple. Words such as “boy” “girl” “manhood” “womanhood” began to tarnish.

The world took little notice when in 1995 the First presidency and quorum of the twelve apostles declared that “Gender is an essential characteristic…” And marriage continued to erode as men and men and women and women decided they needed that piece of paper.

Mothers and fathers did not listen when in 1998 President Packer warned, “Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences.”

And now in 2013 many people do not realize that a prophecy is being fulfilled before their very eyes.

As we hear the news, read books on parenting, and form families, one can note that there really isn’t much left to the definitions of boy, girl, manhood, and womanhood-- Gender Identity has taken the place of Gender in society. Separate roles of men and women are scorned as old fashioned and bigoted.

This very summer California passed a law that allows all school children to choose sport teams and use bathrooms and lockers rooms according to which gender they feel.

    

It is celebrated when a family allows their son to dress in girl’s clothes and play with dolls. Yet a family that dresses their daughter in girly clothes and encourages her nature to nurture with dolls is criticized as enforcing old fashioned gender roles.

This very summer in the heart of New England boys between the ages of six and thirteen attended a summer camp where instead of boating, camping, and hiking, they polished their nails, put on make-up, dressed in evening gowns and held a beauty pageant.

All over parents are floundering. A couple in Colorado took their son, Coy Mathis, to a psychiatrist because he played with his sisters dolls and liked a pink blanket. As a 6 year old, Coy lives a life as a “girly girl”, and has successfully sued to be completely accepted as a girl in school. He uses the girl’s bathrooms and is treated as a girl.

A family in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada is giving their eleven year old daughter hormone blocking injections to stop puberty with the plan that at 16, she will be ready to have gender reassignment surgery to become a man.

 These are extreme examples of parents floundering. I have seen many non-extreme examples among very good parents. One friend of mine repeatedly told her friends that her 18 month old son was gay because he cried easily and liked to wear his mother’s shoes. She was a new mom and was worried about these things. Another friend worked tirelessly to get her “girly girl” daughter to choose gender neutral clothes and to play with the boys. She thought this would help her daughter become more athletic and competitive.

As a young mom, I worried that if I told my son that he should not wear princess dresses that I would be ruining who he was meant to become. I have learned differently. That was the voices of the world speaking to me. The voices of the prophets are:

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

Be careful lest you unknowingly foster influences and activities which tend to erase the masculine and feminine differences.

From The Family: a Proclamation to the World, I understand that the gender my children were born with is who they really are and who they are meant to become. I understand now that as a parent I need to teach my sons to become men and my daughters to become women. Through revelation from God, we have been given a clear guide of how to raise our children. We can know who they are and who they are meant to become. We can teach our daughters to be nurturers. We can teach our sons to provide and protect. Indeed, it is our duty to ignore those mocking fingers from the great and spacious building, hold to the iron rod, and bring our family to the tree of life.

Diane Robertson

Diane blogs about her family at The More the Merrier. She is a writer at the United Families International Blog.

I can always count on Diane for being bold in speaking hard truth, which is why I appreciate her accepting the invitation to help with our Family Proclamation Celebration. She is vigilant is defending the family, and devotes much of her time writing on the topic. She is well versed in the most critical social issues surrounding marriage and family, and coupled with her faith in Jesus Christ, Diane is a force for good to be reckoned with.

Make sure to visit Chocolate on My Cranium or Mormon Mommy Blogs to read some of the great posts that were shared during the Family Proclamation Celebration! (Tomorrow I'll post the final guest blogger for our Celebration.)
tDMg,

Kathryn Skaggs

Photo Source: LDS.org

NOTE: As this post was written by our guest blogger, and she needs to move on to other things, comments are now closed.