God is Not Sexist: Gender Matters

My parents both grew up in single-parent homes led by their mothers. My father’s dad was involved in his life but my mother’s father only wandered into her life on occasion. They strongly felt the lack of male parents in their homes, someone available every day and not just during visitations. Although they both had wonderful mothers, they missed out on the balance that comes from having a man and woman partner in the parenting process.

Studies have consistently shown that the best possible outcome for children is when they are raised by their natural mothers and fathers who are married to each other and who have a healthy and loving relationship. This is only possible in a traditional marriage. Parents can raise good children in less than ideal circumstances, but the risks are much greater. There are certain benefits that come only from a two-parent home and some that are possible only when there is one parent of each gender.

Gender matters. We like to pretend it doesn’t, but it does and it always has. When God created people, he created two genders and designed them so they were each necessary in order to have children. When He first placed people on Earth, he placed one of each gender and married them to each other. It is clear he wanted his beloved children to have parents of each gender involved in their upbringings. He assigned these original parents different responsibilities.

God is not sexist. His purpose in arranging the first family as he did was to create the best possible environment for the children. He organized the first family to serve as a model for future families.

Two Genders Balance the Home

Mormons believe we lived with God before we came to earth and this allowed Him to know us each individually. His love for us is based on personal knowledge of who we are and who we can become. By creating two genders with differing natural styles, gifts, and personalities, he could provide a balance in the world and in the home. Studies have backed the idea that mothers and fathers parent differently and that these differences enhance a child’s well-being. Sociologist Dr. David Popenoe says, "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home. Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.” (See The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children's Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey Wilcox, W. Bradford, Year Published: 2006.) The article quoted above shows what happens to children when their fathers are not part of their lives.

The same is true of mothers. One study showed that among the differences in the parenting styles of mothers and fathers is that mothers tend to be very protective of their children while fathers are inclined to challenge them. When the mother and father successfully work together to create a parenting style, they end up with a balance of protection and challenge. The mother helps the father learn not to push too hard and the father helps the mother ease up her protective instincts.

Gender is an Essential Characteristic

Mormons believe gender existed before birth and is essential to fulfilling our roles in life. When we try to create a family in which either men or women are expendable, we really attack the very fiber of our being. For us to say a woman is unnecessary to her children is cruel to both the mother and the child. It is equally cruel to say children don’t really need their fathers. Centuries of experience and decades of research have shown us otherwise. Children suffer serious consequences when either parent is missing, which is why the traditional family must be protected and honored.

We sometimes act as though the only way for women to be important is for them to give up all that makes them women. Many women act as though they are ashamed of their gender. Women—not just men—relegate everything women are best at to the role of trivia. In fact, the woman’s role is one of the most important ever created. Parenthood, for either gender, is not trivial.

It is time we stand up for ourselves. A perfect home requires the very best each gender has to offer. We need to put what makes each gender special to work in building the world our children will inhabit. When mothers and fathers work together in harmony, using the best part of their gender in partnership with the best of their spouse’s gender, we can overcome many of today’s challenges. The lonely, aching children portrayed in studies will largely disappear when the home becomes what God meant it to be.

By Terrie Lynn Bittner

Update: Terrie passed away this last spring and leaves behind her a legacy of standing firm in support of the family. She is deeply missed.

Terrie Lynn Bittner is the author of two homeschooling books and thinks homeschooling is as much about strengthening families as it is about education. She also writes about Mormonism for More Good Foundation and on her own blog LatterdaySaintWoman.

Terrie is somewhat of a mentor to me - she probably doesn't even know that though. I've been connected with her for a few years now, because of her writing skills, and her kind support of what I do here on WBMW.  I've learned a lot about writing by observing how Terrie writes. I've read much of what she's written about the LDS Church. Terrie is highly credible in how she approaches Mormonism, and as most of you know, that is very important to me, too. And did I mention her mad writing skills? In fact, this post that she has so kindly agreed to write to commemorate the family proclamation reads more like an article we'd find in the Ensign - and I told her so. And did I mention that when she reads my blog it intimidates me. Well, it does. Thank you, dear friend, for your example of standing and teaching boldly the doctrines of the gospel of Jesus Christ.


tDMg,

Kathryn Skaggs

Image: LDS.org